The Loss of Self by Alek Martin @thelossofself – #AUTOBIOGRAPHY #FACEYOURSELF #METHADDICTION #LIFECOACH

An Intimate Autobiography

Book Title: The Loss of Self

Author: Alek Martin

Publisher: Alek Martin

Cover Artist: Guillaume Beauchamp created the cover but isn’t the Photographer

Alek Martin is the guy on the picture and holds all the rights

Length: 54 549 words/ 288 pages

This is an intimate autobiography not fiction.

 

About The Loss of Self: My path of Self-Destruction to the point of total humiliation

A very private and intimate Autobiography of the last seven years, my fall from “Grace,” as I like to describe it.

Death, Sex, lots of absurd, artificial

An appalling Break-up, which was the Catalyst to it all.chemed-Sex.

H.I.V., Bankruptcy, Almost-Suicide, Meth and so much more!

I lost faith in humanity

I lost myself.

I always had rules, goals and boundaries which I lived by endearingly, but after the Death of my beloved Grandmother, I started a Path of Self-Destruction to the point of total shame.

Do you know what it feels like to be standing on the Edge of a building, you have nothing to lose, and the only thing that keeps you from jumping is to return to an abusive Boyfriend who has nothing else to offer you, but to lie to you, to control you and to take the next puff of the Meth pipe!

Would you go back?

I did!

Back to the gay Lifestyle I never asked for.

To a Lifestyle where I ended up having Sex for Cash, me of all people?

Why, one must wonder, why?

I kept on punishing myself.

I accepted that my own boyfriend brought guys home and had sex with them in front of my face, looking me straight in the eyes.

And his eyes were saying:

“ I’m going to break you, and you will accept everything I am going to give you ”, and I did with little resistance.

I enforced his behaviour by overeating and

I lost my body.

Why did I let this happen?

What is my problem?

Why on earth would I who was successful in business and Life, always had monogamous, and highly Moral Relationships accept all this?

After 44 years on this earth, I finally discovered why!

My “Core Problem” wasn’t the people I met,

they were merely clones that I choose very distinctively yet totally unaware.

I recreated the worst of all relationships, the one I never had,

The one I never understood.

The relationship between my mother and myself!

It’s about the fact that she never fought for me,

she never placed me first, and that behaviour made me feel not worthy, not good enough.

She never chose me!

But you have to fight and understand your

“Core Problem”

and deal with it, as harshly and honestly as you can!

It will hurt, and sacrifices will have to be made,

but the pain isn’t anything compared to the pain that you will encounter if you don’t!

 

 

Buy Links – Available on KU

Amazon US

Amazon UK

 

EXCERPT FROM THE LOSS OF SELF BY ALEK MARTIN

The Miami Moment

Menintogear was down the drain; the official news came in from my accountant!

I was officially broke!

My investors drove me crazy,

and I was totally and utterly financially dependent on Georg.

I had sold everything.

This was the first time in my grown-up life that I was dependant on someone else.

His ways were worse than ever, careless, drunk and high all the time.

His drunken abusiveness became more frequent, targeting only me!

He screamed,

he threw things around,

I couldn’t take it anymore!

Yes, I went back to him even after the Boston incident.

That is what this book is about co-dependence at its best.

The weather here in Miami was Stormy and flooding was everywhere.

I didn’t know anymore what to do, how to get myself out of this situation, where to turn and I had no one to talk to.

I was estranged by my fault with all my friends, as they were sick and tired of listening to me about the same story over and over.

I was in this mess all by myself.

Georg had to be conquered, but I just didn’t know how to.

Georg made all the money and kept it very well hidden.

My desperation was immense.

My primary investor was infuriated with me, as he believed it was my fault that the Project Menintogear went down the drain.

But it wasn’t. I still felt tremendous guilt.

Could I have done more? No, but yet again my trust in the wrong people broke this wonderful project.

I understood him very much, as I would’ve been mad as well, But what was I supposed to do?

Kill myself?

And for the first time in my life, the Idea of killing myself became a daily thought, and I was starting to worry about my safety very much.

The situation was simple; I was broke,

except for the 15000 Euros from Georg, which he wasn’t gone pay me back,

I was homeless, and I refused to Escort,

I had to vomit when I thought about it and got extremely depressed and mad when he did it, even now, after I no longer loved him, it still bothered me.

The day came where physical violence took over, and he and I went at it.

It was terrible, and it started with the fact that I told him to please stop doing chems with his customers, as I wanted to have a break from it all,

a well-deserved break as I needed to make better decisions so staying sober and focused was key.

And let me tell you that Georg without Chems was rather boring but high he was a terror a fucking horror,

but Georg on chems and alcohol was unbearable!

Either I would strike him that he would die and I would end up in jail for the rest of my life, or I needed to escape, but how and one of a sudden the idea of suicide was the only way out, and it was calming me tremendously.

So the day came

It was a very stormy outside, and I love those days, if I am happy and content, which haven’t been now in 2 years and six months.

I looked out the window and had no idea what I thought about. I was staring at whatever without any thoughts! I was empty!

I got dressed looked at the flat and saw this mess of a man,

in bed sleeping,

which was the only time I had peace of him, and I left the flat, sometimes I just sat there feeling the peacefulness of the situation, and that became my sanctuary.

The flat was about 200 meters away from the Ocean, which I walked towards.

The waves that normally calmed me were wild and tempered.

I couldn’t relax as my back was against the wall.

I didn’t see the solution, so I walked and walked until I ended up on some building, I don’t know how many floors up, but it was as high as I’ve ever been!

I stood on the edge and looked around being almost blown off.

And here are my thoughts:

I’m alone,

My grandmother is gone,

My mom the person that raised me,

my family and I don’t talk anymore since,

I lost my business, my car, my dignity,

my belief system and

I am raping myself over and over.

I am afraid of Georg, so much that at times I can’t breathe,

I am broke,

Menintogear which was a chance to get out of this mess,

is down the drain,

not because it was a bad idea but because I got framed, yet again

and I have no one to talk to,

My investors might eventually sue me.

I felt no way out and slowly, but surely the thought of leaving life was making me feel relaxed and chilled, and I moved towards the edge.

I stood there for hours, and then a thought hit me:

“What about my sister, how will she feel, when she gets the news of my suicide and what about my beautiful little niece?”

And then and there the fighter within me arose back to life.

I told myself:

I’m not jumping because I don’t have the guts, but because I’m not done with this life,

and no Georg will send me to hell.

If so, I will decide and no one else.

“You will go back to this horrible and unbearable situation and take all,

all you can handle,

and when that moment arrives, you will exit this hell.”

And so I did!

I walked back to him, and his degrading, immoral Lifestyle.

I went into the house, and he was awake, high already, the pipe loaded with meth and the GHB bottle next to it.

But I didn’t care anymore.

Something within me knew what to do, and I can be very persistent.

I looked at him, went into the bedroom and for the first time locked it and put my headphones on, and longed for the day when it was all over.

That was the day where I started to plan my Exit!

 

About the Author

“I used to lie and embellish, so I could somehow function and deal with my life, my family! I dared to face the truth and since then I’ve been able to rebuild and found the real meaning of my life!”

Social Media Links

Blog/Website

Facebook Author Page

Twitter

Instagram

 

Hosted by Gay Book Promotions

Surfacing Secrets – Elemental Evidence Book Three – by @SadieBermingham and @BelloraQ #RAFFLECOPTER #COVERREVEAL #PREORDER #MMROMANCE #PARANORMAL

When ex-cop Jake Chivis is woken by the police and questioned about the mysterious death of his neighbor, he thinks his day can only get better. Things go from bad to worse when his lover, Mari Gale, brings him a horrific sex tape which appears to show a man being murdered. As they begin to investigate the origin of the video, nothing is as it seems. Will they find the killers before they strike again? Or will dark secrets rising to the surface in their own lives erupt and tear them apart?

Finally! The third installment of the Elemental Evidence Series is here, so when the extremely talented duo of Sadie Rose Bermingham and Bellora Quinn asked if I was interested in doing the cover reveal for Surfacing Secrets I was flattered. Of course I was interested. This is one of my favorite series and I am dying to see where the relationship between Jake Chivis and Mari Gale is going after the glimpses we got in Book Two of Mari’s sexual predilections.

If you haven’t read the first two books of Elemental Evidence, Breathing Betrayal and Burning Boundaries, I urge you to read them first before Surfacing Secrets – they are awesome!

SERIES BLURB

Former Detective Jake Chivis is a Fire Elemental who uses psychometry to see the past. Doctor Ilmarinen Gale is an Air Elemental, a human/cybernetic interface, able to infiltrate even the toughest information systems. Together they find out just how potent a combination Fire and Air can be when it comes to solving crimes.

Amid murder, conspiracy and a world that views them with suspicion, and sometimes contempt, Jake and Mari circumvent the conventional. While the police aren’t always appreciative of their methods, they can’t deny the results.

When they aren’t busy consulting for the police, figuring one another out is their next big mystery. One that proves as frustrating as it is passionate. Between hunting killers and avoiding competing government agencies that want the two of them working on their side, they just might have enough time for love.

Pre Orders for Surfacing Secrets, Elemental Evidence Book Three, via Pride Publishing, begin on January 30th, 2018, and the release date is March 13th, 2018.

ENTER OUR RAFFLECOPTER

1st and 2nd prizes are signed editions of Breathing Betrayal and Burning Boundaries.
3rd prize is a $5 gift card to Pride Publishing.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Bellora Quinn:

Originally hailing from Detroit Michigan, Bellora now resides on the sunny Gulf Coast of Florida where a herd of Dachshunds keeps her entertained. She got her start in writing at the dawn of the internet when she discovered PbEMs (Play by email) and found a passion for collaborative writing and steamy hot erotica. Soap Opera like blogs soon followed and eventually full novels.

The majority of her stories are in the M/M genre with urban fantasy or paranormal settings and many with a strong BDSM flavour.

Sadie Rose Bermingham:

A storyteller since before she started school, Sadie also enjoys reading, photography, live music and long walks on the beach.

Sadie has worked as a bookseller, a pedigree editor for the racing industry and a local and family history researcher. Originally from the north of England, she has been working her way across the UK ever since. She currently resides on the south east coast with her long term partner, where she hopes to buy a mobile home and establish a whippet farm.

Brobots – Brobots Trilogy Book One by Trevor Barton @Br0bots – #BOOKREVIEW #SCIENCEFICTION #LGBT #MMSCIENCEFICTION

Plug them in. Wish they never end.

Rod burners. Scaff dawgs. Laggers. Bucket dumpers. Lerps. Duct monkeys. Tin knockers. Lumbergs. Artificial big guys. Product of a troubled firm. Brobots.

They’re easy to treat like trash. But they’re not so easy to ignore; especially the ones experiencing “the wake up.” The idea was that they could work hidden in society’s plain sight, allowing humanity time to get used to the fact of sentient machines.

But it’s all too easy for others to take advantage of those who live on the edge. What they, and their allies, must do is work out who, and why, before it gets too late.

Brobots is a work of substantial science fiction with gay characters told across three continuous books.

Brobots, Brobots Trilogy Book 1 by Trevor Barton

Rating: 5.0 stars

Brobots

I guess some things are just meant to be, eh? No, I am not Canadian and this book was truly serendipitous for me. I had been searching aimlessly on Amazon for some science fiction with gay characters when I came upon Brobots. What is this, thought I. It actually looked like good, quality science fiction with gay MCs. Something I could sink my teeth into just for my own enjoyment, so I one-clicked. Damn you Amazon and your one-click!

A few days later I received a message via my blog from Mr. Barton wondering if I was interested in reviewing his trilogy. I was so surprised I just sat there for a minute staring at the monitor and quickly answered him back.

Hey Bros, I’m so glad I got to know Mr. Barton!

THE CHARACTERS

Byron:

Jared was immensely curious, a little (okay, a lot) geeky, loved to code, and to put it plainly just couldn’t leave this stunningly handsome broken machine behind in an oversized trashcan. Wiener and geekery were winning out over sanity…

He was adorable. He had a polished-looking button nose and big dark eyes peeking out from a chubby face. It would be puppy fat, but he somehow looked older than ‘twenties.’ Kind of Jared’s age: mid- to late thirties. He had something of a gentle look about him too. The craftsmanship was amazing.

Jared:

Jared was indeed, by all measures, cute. He had looks. Blue eyes. Fair, short hair. He was tall, and built. Coding hadn’t done that, but dog walks and gym trips had done their work. He’d never considered himself to be a looker; always judging himself by what he wasn’t: not a model, not a bodybuilder, more of an otter than a bear, no longer young enough to be a twink. His penchant for scruffy clothes probably didn’t help. De rigueur though his outfits were for code monkeys, they might not be right for his age any more. A man couldn’t get away with tees, cargo pants and trainers much beyond 35.

THE STORY

I can’t tell you just how good this story is. It’s really, really good. Like hardcore science fiction good, enough to start me to get my geek on with the first book in the trilogy and a whole new, to me, trope. It’s set just far enough into the future to have it be real.

Do you have an Alexa? Perhaps one of those Google home things? I have an Alexa. I have two Alexas so I’m not far from her, ever. She controls our AC, which I’ve named Hal 9000. She controls our ‘smart’ air purifiers, which I’ve named Chucky 1 and Chucky 2. She starts my car from our apartment and sets the temperature on it so it’s warm/cool when I get to it (it’s a Florida thing). She controls all our lighting in the apartment through a hub, which I’ve named The Borg. Go ahead and ask Alexa if she’s Intelligent. Oh, go ahead. Really. And while you’re at it, ask her her IQ. I dare you.

So, what I was getting to is that in the next ten years, maybe even sooner, we’ll be seeing an exponential increase in AI and robotics. Are we ready? I think not, and that’s exactly what this book is all about. We are going to undergo seismic shifts in our lives and culture unlike any before, not even the industrial revolution. Hold on, sweetie, this is gonna be a hell of ride.

This story is about that shift and one potential outcome. It’s timely, well set in the time continuum, and has excellent nods to a group that ‘may’ have just gained legality but will struggle with acceptance and pushbacks for years to come. LGBTQ, anyone? It even has the development of new, non-conventional family structures. Color me surprised.

The ending is phenomenal. Took me by surprise, that’s how deep I let myself fall into the story. Well done, Mr. Barton.

Please think of Book 1 in the trilogy as the appetizer and soup in a multi-course dinner. There’s a deeper story yet to develop and I, for one, can’t wait!

Oh, one last thing about the story: have you ever wondered what it feels like for an android to have sex? Well, what are you waiting for? Come and find out.

THE WRITING

Mr. Barton’s writing was crisp, well-crafted, and to the point. It’s not florid and it doesn’t go into a lot of needless detail. Yeah, it’s a tad geeky and that’s part of what makes the book so enjoyable.

The characters are well developed for a science fiction book. This isn’t a romance book, boys and girls, it’s science fiction. Good, solid science fiction and yes, some darn hot sex! Yes, there are relationships that are well crafted in the book, but we don’t need to get deep into why Jared does what he does. Suffice it to say that it’s adequately covered in the book and let’s get on to the shenanigans at hand, and those there are aplenty!

THE AUTHOR

© Istvan Prem, used with permission
© Istvan Prem, used with permission

Trevor Barton was born on the south coast of England to a biker and a supermarket attendant (whose brother was a trucker). He got sent to Air Training Corps for toughening up. His curious local town was into line dancing and hard-line Baptist theology (making it closer in vibe perhaps to a southern US State than to South East England).

“Myth of the Cyborg: The Perpetuation of a Cultural Fantasy” was the title of his M.A. Dissertation in 1998. Part of this involved studying the philosophy of artificial intelligence with Ray Monk and looking at issues in representation with Deniz Göktürk (now at Berkeley).

There not being many jobs in Cyborgology, Trevor took the editorial helm of a U.K. search engine (because Google U.K. had not been heard of then). His tie-in magazine had distribution throughout the U.K. and the actor who plays Blackadder’s Baldric was the advertising voice.

With later jobs involving a great deal of U.S. business travel he’s published globally recognized websites, bar-crawled around Nashville and taken sidewalks with alligators in Florida. He’s also slept rough (for charity), established a peace center, helped save four lives, been ordained as a Buddhist and cleaned satellite dishes with a mop and bucket.

Trevor has lived experience with mental health. His mother died when he was 16 and his father was disabled. Trevor lives in the U.K. with his husbear.

THE DISCLAIMER

Hey ma, look! There’s no disclaimer. I bought the whole darned series just before Mr. Barton reached out to me. So there, Claire!

Copyright © 2016 by Trevor Barton All rights reserved.
Produced in the United Kingdom  
First Edition, December 2016
Jacket design “Emotional Uprising” by the author.
Middle Earth NF font by Nick Curtis (cover) and Streetwear font by Artimasa (cover) via 1001fonts.com (FFCU license.)
ASIN: B01MTW5PJL

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